


Instant Karma

by 99 Luft Tentacles (AlienNerd)



Series: The Garbage Buffet [2]
Category: Black Widow (Comics), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - BDSM, Anal Fisting, Eye Licking, F/M, Genital Torture, HTP, HYDRA Trash Party, Hydra (Marvel), Hypnotism, Mind Control, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Mind/Mood Altering Substances, Mutilation, Painful Sex, Past Rape/Non-con, Pet Play, Rape, Rape Recovery, Recovered Memories, Red Room (Marvel), Sexual Violence, Violence, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, Wound Fucking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-18 03:09:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16109525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlienNerd/pseuds/99%20Luft%20Tentacles
Summary: Prompt: Natasha/Winter Soldier, non-con and memory fuckeryNatasha and the Winter Soldier had an illicit affair going back in the Soviet days. When they’re found out, one of the ways their superiors punish them is by erasing her memories of ever having known him and making him hold her down and fuck her against her will.+1 if they both had the memory of that incident suppressed further down the line and it starts coming back when they get to know each other in the present day.MCU, comics canon or fusion, take your pick.





	1. The Tie That Binds

**Author's Note:**

> this does not depict a healthy or nice anything in any possible way
> 
> Featured is an alt version of BuckyNat, a deranged AU version I call BlackWinter. They began in a structurally unbalanced power dynamic, due to her being much younger than him, then they proceeded to a place of sexual violence as a punishment for the Winter Soldier allowing himself to fall in love and unless readers want them to become anything more they'll stay that way for a while, trying to work through the aftermath with Bucky submitting deeply to Natasha.
> 
> This one will be influenced directly by readers comments so if there aren't any, it may go no further than the next 1000 word section.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starcrossed then separated Nat and Bucky come to understand a core truth of their budding relationship: it used to be love, but it's hell now.

Tears poured down his pale drawn face. She wanted to hate him. She wanted to love him. She wanted the past to die. She wanted the people who made them both to die. Why do people who don't deserve it get crushed in the always hungry jaws of life and those how should die horribly get to prosper and thrive because of the pain they cause others? This is how you can tell the concept of karma is complete fucking bullshit.  
  
' _Some things were erased from both of our minds. But we still...something inside us...was still connected to one another and it was murdered. We didn't even know._ ' Nat thinks.  
  
Two weeks ago, Bucky grasped her arm to keep her from tripping. That's all. he didn't even know what he did. But she did. After, she had thrown her coffee straight into the trash and walked calmly into the building, to the bathroom and threw up. Shaking visibly, she stared into the mirror and wondered what the hell had happened.  
  
When his fingers closed around her arm a mental image flashed in her mind's eye. Everything was red. his arm and his eyes reflecting red as if they were both chrome coated. She couldn't see what he had done. But some part of her felt it and remembered the sensation of his fist forcing it's way into her. She, in shock, couldn't move while he had done it and while she remembered it. She remembered all she could do was scream in the tiny room they were in.  
  
Later she remembered the two way mirror while watching tv. The image had superimposed over the men's free skate. She remembered looking and seeing what was there and how much she wanted her mind to run away from what she saw. But it wouldn't. It just wouldn't. She sat on the couch heart racing trying to understand what she had seen yet unable to understand the shapes in her memory.  
  
" **Cum in her. Do it the way you were doing it before your indiscretion was discovered**." a voice over a shitty intercom speaker said in Russian. She woke with a start her HK USP compact at the ready. The sound so loud it was nearly a hallucination.  
  
More kept coming. She's never on her first rodeo of anything anymore so recovering traumatized buried memories was like her fucking hobby at this point. It only affected her so strongly because of what it was, who it was.  
  
He stood in her house now and if she hated him she would kill him for it and make the body disappear. But she knew why he had come as soon as she looked out the peephole and saw his face, bags under the eyes from not sleeping, facial hair growing a bit unruly because he'd lost the will or ability to do basic hygiene, he looked like shit reheated in the microwave.  
  
"I didn't know till a few days ago. You looked at me a certain way... it felt so... and it all is rustling, coming loose, floating up from the depth. God! What I would give to go back in time and kill myself!!" he cried. She felt a weird obscene kinship with him for being in the same position as herself, disturbed and shaken by their past.  
  
His whole body trembled. His metal hand shook as did his flesh one. "What have I done?! What have I done!?" he cried squeezing his eyes shut shaking his head vigorously as if he could wring the memories out.  
  
"You remember it all, don't you? Tell me."  
  
"No! No no please!" He nearly shrieked. He had regressed and now responded not as a man but a child who didn't want to talk about the bad dream he had.  
  
"Tell me. Why? When? It had to be before Odessa but I don't see how."  
  
"I can't! No, no I can't don't make me, don't make me think, don't make me see!!"He balled up his hands into fists caught his head between them like he was about to start trying to punch the memories out.  
  
"It was my body! You raped me!!! You fucking raped me! I can feel it sometimes, I can feel you in me! Now tell me everything you did! I need to know!" It takes a helluva lot to make her lose her cool, he should be proud, not many people can crack her unbreakable image.  
  
Defeated he put both hands up to his eyes covering them tipping his head back like he could get his tears to reverse direction and fall back in. He turned on a heel and leaned back until he fell against the wall of the front hall. He let himself slide to the floor. His face went curiously blank. His hands palm up on the floor, legs splayed open knees bent his gaze drilled into the floor as he spoke in a monotone.  
  
"They brought us to a room where they could watch and give me orders. There was nothing but a steel table in it. There was no disobeying. On the surface of myself, I was confused and didn't understand why I wasn't killing you. I thought that was all I was for. But deep inside, I, the core of me was trapped. I could only watch as my body started moving. I did what they said to do. I did it to you."  
  
Nat pulled a chair up from the table and sat in the middle of the dining room. "Go on. Tell me."  
  
Looking up his eyes suddenly quite wild and he became much more animated. He begged, "Please, Nat, pleeaase! No, don't make me! I'm in the memories....I can feel.... I'm inside of them already, don't make me relive this!!"  
  
"None of us can escape the past. Now finish."She didn't mean to be callous and cold toward him. He obviously didn't do it for shits and giggles. But now wound up and irrational, she didn't care. She wanted to know.  
  
A terrible sick smile bloomed on his face. He crawled toward her on the floor, the very opposite image from a person crawling to seduce. "M-m-make me do something else instead!! I can do things, I can do anything you want! I'm good now, I'll be good and won't be bad again just please please, oh please!!! Anything... anything but this!" his cracking voice rising higher. " Just punish me, hurt me, torture me some other way, please!"  
  
"Buck, I have to know. I have to know all of it now. I don't want it sneaking up on me. I'm not trying to hurt you but Buck... you... you did something no one should ever do. I know you didn't do it because you wanted to. And I need to know what before I find out in my sleep or on a mission."  
  
At this, his face went slack again his eyes dropped to the floor. He sat back on his heels. His hands dropped from pulling at his hair to his sides on the floor. He resumed speaking, tears tangled in his eyelashes that he didn't bother wiping away. When he spoke things other people said he did voices for them that sounded eerily like someone else's vocal cords were producing them. When she heard him speak in her own, a chill ran through her. As the story unspooled from his lips he remained very still and she wondered about his statement about reliving it. She wondered was he experiencing the telling like a thing he was currently doing and telling her about the way people will do when hypnotized. She thought this was so. It felt like she was violating him now knowing that.   
  
~~~

"Rip her clothes off of her." The intercom crackled.  
  
His arm lifted and his hand grasped her collar. He yanked toward himself and ripped the front left of her blouse off of her. He lifts his left hand and grasped her bra by it's center and pulled down on it till it ripped in half like tissue paper. Despairing he could only see it all happening. He felt limbless during these times. It was as if someone had taken him out of his body and placed him just behind himself, there was no way to take control of his body. Nothing to grip with. Nothing to hold onto. He did have some sense of his physical body, but only what they told him to feel. It's good during combatant missions. He can't feel pain or sickness.  
  
She was used to humiliating punishments and can't remember what she had done. But this was unlike usual. The fear made her eye bulge and she blanched white as cotton. The man she saw she knew was a killer. She was terrified of him and flinched when the fluorescent light winked off his arm. She'd had nowhere to run, but she tried anyway. She ran to the corner opposite him an pressed her self against the rough bare cinderblocks. He walked toward her and when he reached her he resumed tearing her clothes off of her into shreds. She screamed and at one point tried to go into fetal position.  
  
He wanted to just exit the situation the way he does when he is being raped. But he doesn't want to leave her alone. And they expressly told him not to. He has to feel himself violate her now and see her reaction to it.  
  
"Get her up. Show us what the two of you were doing. Do it the way you were before your indiscretion was discovered. Cum in her."  
  
He dragged her up by the arm over to the table and picked her up. he stepped closer to it and gently placed her down pushing her to lay flat on the cold metal.  
  
'She sobbed and pleaded "No, no, no, please no!"  
  
He walked to the foot of the table grabbed her by the hips and pulled her down on the table, dragging her skin against it giving her a mild kind of rub burn. He separated her thighs and made a place for himself between them. He leaned down and forward caressing her face with his right hand and began to kiss softly at her jaw line up to her ear down the side of her neck. His body continued the actions of making love to her. Even though she was trembling in terror. His fingers brushed her hair back from her brow. His lips kissed her open screaming mouth.  
  
Inside he was beyond the point of screaming and trying to fight back. He could only watch feeling his soul tearing in half inside of him. Why? Why hadn't he known they were being watched? Why had he let her come to him? Why had he let himself love? When He obeys he's allowed to govern his own body as long as he is doing what he should be he is allowed the small freedom of moving his body as he so chooses to get the job done. They gave his leash a little slack and he moronically strayed out of bounds. They are tools, not people. Why?  
  
She was so kind so beautiful, the moment he realized what she was feeling, he must have lost his mind. Thought he could get her out, save her. He doesn't blame her, he's a monster and she is still nearly a child. And monsters eat children. He shudders with disgust inside feeling his mouth hungrily kiss and suck st her right breast and nipple. He can feel his cock getting harder the blissful sexual energy flowing through his veins like acid. He wants it to stop. He doesn't want to feel this. He realizes now what they have done. His body isn't only raping her. It's raping him as well. It is no different than if they made a copy of him and it put a boot on his head forced him face down ass up on the floor and has proceeded to bareback him. His inner core can no longer lie dormant. Wails of horror echo back and out into the vast prison of his mind. The darkness there swallows them whole.

~~~

"I'm screaming. I'm screaming and the screams can't go out so they go deep inside. They reverberate and echo yours. Together our pain blends and swirls like the mixing of our blood. We are joined together, of one body, one soul. I would rather be skinned alive." Bucky says in that same monotone.  
  
She understands now that he can only relay his experience of it and what he thought and felt at the time with this almost morose detachment. He can't exist before her at both ends of this. Some mad part of him is making him choose the reality of having done it and the never ending nightmare of the memory. With no reminders it somehow let him forget. But that defense has been falling apart since they reunited again.  
  
She wonders ' _Would we both have never remembered had we not met once again?_ ' Nat thought on what the future might be like. She was still wary of him from the three different times he had attacked her while activated by his spoken triggers. He tried oh so hard to be nonthreatening to her before all of this. Bucky reminded her of a big dog with sharp teeth who goes belly up every time he sees her. Now, she startled herself by feeling a feeling of disgust after thinking this. An image wanted to present itself with the feeling but her mind would only let her have silver surfaces and red light.   
  
She considers telling him to stop, just close his mouth and get the hell out of here knowing she would only be doing out of spite and would still need to hear. Besides she didn't know if she could make him come back to himself. She didn't think she wanted to see him without this dissociative filter. Unclenching her jaw she said "Tell me what happened next. "


	2. Cry Wolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The nightmare continues...

His hair brushed over her skin as he kissed her belly button delicately then licked at the small hairs trailing down her lower abdomen and his hand slipped between her legs. His metal fingers massaged the node of nerves there creating more unwanted arousal in the both of them. They were cold at first but soon warmed by the heat of her.   
  
"Please heeelp!! Help!" She screams trying to fight, trying to remove his hand or push his face away to no avail.   
  
His finger slid down into the slick fluid beginning to flow from her vagina. His finger rubbed it over her clit messaging circles avoiding touching the very tip because of how sensitive it was for her. He wishes to fight as well, to reach out and grasp his own wrist and pull his body away from her. 'No no! No, stop, just let her go!! Please no more!' Bucky begged. His other hand lowered to his zipper. The fight was running out of her. He split her thighs open and uses his tongue on her. Before he stood up and inserted his cock into her, she went limp but continued to sob. He leaned over her grasped both of her hands and pulled them up pinning them beside her head entwining their finger together as he began to thrust by rotating his hips in gentle wide circles.   
  
"What did you say to her, what kinds of lies did you lure her with?" Came the voice over the loudspeaker.  
  
Now his mouth began to move and his voice spoke in Russian, "I told no lies. I told her the truth of what I felt for her." He moaned and sighed as he had done when he lay with her in love and it was doubly horrifying in the current context. "My darling...someday we will be free and when we are I'll be everything you need. You will never want for anything. I love you like a nightingale loves the rose. You make all right in my world and I swear to someday do the same for you."  
  
~~~  
  
"What do you mean? Why did you say that?" Nat said sitting up in her chair.  
  
A long silence ensued and after a few moments his breathing began to hitch and his chest heaved as Bucky struggled to breathe through his tears. His left hand balled into a fist and came up to his chest grabbing a handful of his sweatshirt squeezing it, his right hand covered it both shaking with tension. He rocked back forth sobbing. He abruptly wailed "Это было наше! (Eto bylo nashe / It was ours!)".   
  
"Bucky, what do you mean? What are you saying?" Nat asked frowning.  
  
His eyes still looking down to the floor he said "They wanted to take what we were to each other and break it." in a hoarse tearful voice. He slowly lifted his tear streaked face. He was calming a bit more, but Nat felt not all there. Something was happening. When he looked at her it was as if he was looking through her, through the world really. He didn't revert back to his hyper aware state or the deep detachment he had expressed before. Bucky seemed to exist now in a limbo between the two states of mind. Nat thought it said a lot about the situation that the person who raped her seemed far more distressed by it than she. Maybe it is better she didn't really remember all of it.  
  
"What were we to each other?"  
  
"Lovers. We were in love. We thought we hid the fact well. Every spare moment I had I spent trying to make sure we could stay that way." His body language had become stiff as he spoke.  
  
"Are you telling me they found out and this was our punishment? Bucky, that doesn't make any sense. The first time I met you, yeah, was years ago, but you were trying to kill me to get to your target. Shit, that's what you'd been doing to me every time we met till like 8 months ago." Nat replied.  
  
"That is because that was my punishment. You would be made to forget me & what we had and I would be made to remember so I would never love you or anyone else the way I did when I was the Winter Soldier. They wanted me to be repulsed at the very idea. And it worked. I have never... not since that day. Have you ever read George Orwell's '1984'? They were inspired by his work." Bucky said in an ominous yet sarcastic tone. It was weirdly diluted, like he couldn't muster the energy to feel 100% of any emotion at the moment.  
  
"Buck. Red Room was bad but they wouldn't..." Or would they? They'd had her sterilized. And she along with the rest of the world now understood the Mind Crown has existed since at the earliest the 30s. By the time this all happened the technique would have been perfect and probably untraceable. They had been able to make her become her covers flawlessly. Would it have been hard for them to erase a real part of her? "And they did all that to make you..."  
  
"Efficient. Like I said... it worked. Because that wasn't all they made me do. Ты разбудил(а) во мне давно забытое (Ty razbudil(a) vo mne davno zabytoye / You have awoken something long forgotten inside of me)." He spoke the phrase sadly. She knew it's meaning but there seemed to be a double meaning for him she did not grasp.  
  
"Bucky...what did they do? What did they do to us?"

~~~

"My sun... the warmth of you goes to the core of my soul. You have awoken something long forgotten inside of me: my love." The words were drawn out in the moan that escaped his lips during climax. He face was buried under her ear, his lips kissing, his tongue licking lascivious and wrong.  
  
"Look at you. You don't love her. You are no more than an animal. You attack and obey, that is all. Get those clothes off of your body. Turn the table around. Get her on her hands and knees atop of it, Fido."  
  
At the word 'Fido' His body straightened and it lost all sensual language. ' _No!! No no! I don't want to be like this, I don't want her to know all the things they can make me do! God, why can't I stop you?!_ ' speaking of his body as if it were a separate person. His torso bent and his hands began feet first to remove his clothing and shoes. He grasped the table by two of its legs and turned it so it's length was visible in the two way mirror. He walked to the left of the steel table and forced her to roll over. She roused again becoming more agitated, whimpering in fear mumbling "No, no no no more! Please don't, no more, why are you doing this to me!? Please let me go..!"  
  
He forced her body into position then climbed up on to the end of the table straddling her calves. Then carefully and quickly he got into position. He squatted with his thighs spread eagle resting on his toes and the balls of his feet between her legs. He held his hands up imitating a dog with raised paws standing on its hind legs. The image before the mirror was meant to humiliate and dehumanized them both.  
  
Then with no warning, the light in the room began to strobe of and on in a disorienting manner intersected by a red emergency lamp lighting the room crimson. At the same time, a loud air raid sirens blasted the air once and stopped. In response as he had been trained to do, the soldier's mouth sounded off into loud low barks like a dog. Not 'arf' or 'woof', actual barks that could not be distinguished from those of an actual canine. She had screamed both at the startling sound and at his vicious sounding barks. Neither of them noticed the strange iodine like smell pouring in through the vent.  
  
"You remember what you are, good boy Fido. Now, you will breed this bitch. Fuck her hard and speak when you see the signal. Begin." The red light flashed and his mouth opened once again eerily accurate barks rose from his throat twice.  
  
With no preparation, his body went from flaccid to erect in an instant which his hand guided into her vagina. He then grasped her about the hips and began to thrust in quick short jabs. She watched in horror as obscenely his tongue stuck out of the corner of his mouth and his eyes seemed about as intelligent as any common and not very smart excitable terrier or spaniel. He panted as such remaining poised squatting behind her thrusting and growling like a dog playing tug of war.  
  
"Breed her till we tell you to cum."  
  
He thrust faster and the red light came on again. He obeyed and barked & fucked on command. He salivated and strings of drool landed on her lower back as he rode her hard. His hair fell into his eyes and he did not move to adjust them.  
  
"Look at her. What a disgrace. Letting a dog fuck her. Disgusting. She should be ashamed. Pervert. Deviant. Where is the grace and elegance we taught you?"  
  
Buck wanted to look somewhere else but he could only see what lay befor him, he could only focus on one ugly detail over the others, so his eye was caught by the image in the mirror. The flashing lights were doing something to there minds. He forced his eyes downward to her and saw that she was beginning to form an expression of disgust. He looked up once more, unable to stand her looking at him that way. He didn't know what she saw but in the mirror, but he saw his head a was now morphing into that of a Doberman pinscher. He watched in horror feeling more than ever he was not looking at his own body.  
  
"Please no no no!" She begged. "Get it off, get it off, get it off me! Don't let it, no, don't!!" She had begun to see the image of a giant terrifying wolf behind her. It's torso shaped more like a man's but it's paws still tipped by razor sharp claws, it was covered in silver and black fur. Though it had the snout and mouth of a wolf, she saw it's jaws moving and knew it was saying "Make you bear my pups, eat you alive..."  
  
The red light was being implemented at faster intervals causing him to bark more often and with more enthusiasm. He had begun to sweat and droplets flicked off of him in every direction. She tried to fall forward and cover her face with her arms against the table.  
  
"Make her watch." Came the voice over the intercom.  
  
His left arm reached forward and his hand locked in a fist balled up in her hair. She was pulled back screaming till only her fingertips could brush the top of the table. Barking and slobbering he kept the pace fast and only when the voice said "Good. Now fill her with your cum." he came and began to howl. He released her and went back to his paws up position.  
  
"Good boy. Nice doggy. Now do your business and then we will let you out for a bit."  
  
At these words, he hopped down from the table onto all fours loped to the right rear corner of the room which was visible through and reflected in the mirror. He first sniffed about then turned and lifted his leg and urinated. Next, he defecated and when finished ran to the door and squatted low his hands resting on the floor between his legs imitating a dog sitting now. The red light flashed one last time and he barked twice. Then the door opened and he was allowed to crawl out of it. Then it was slammed and locked once more.


End file.
